I Hate You Billy Bob Thorton

I hate you with the passion of a thousand fiery suns. What were you thinking, you stupid fuck? Do you do every goddamned thing your publicist tells you to do?

“Come on, Billy Bob, your career is lagging and we need some press. Besides, the guy’s a putz and he deserves a shit interview.”

And now you’ve done it. You’ve gone and made Jian Ghomeshi look good. Jian motherfucking Ghomeshi, who couldn’t interview his way out of a wet paper bag. Jian Ghomeshi, who never met an asshole he didn’t figure he could crawl further up. You have taken the most banal, fawning, vanilla, sycophantic, shit-stained celebrity-fellator on the motherfucking planet, and turned him into a sympathetic figure. Jian Ghomeshi now gets quoted in the paper as saying:

Our policy is that we don't allow anybody to tell us what we can and cannot say," said Ghomeshi. "...And I think that does raise interesting questions about ideas around how much journalism is to be controlled, especially when it comes to arts and entertainment and culture, and I think that that's a concern.

and the fucking earth doesn’t open and swallow him with a belch of sulphur and smoke. And why? All because someone told you to be “prickly” with the milquetoast dipshit. So now, instead of being the guy who wouldn’t know a real interview question if it kicked him in the balls, he's the unfortunate victim of your fake-assed headline-seeking outrage. Well fuck you, Billy Bob. Fuck you very much.

http://www.thestar.com/entertainment/article/616601

I am Seized by a Divine Fire

I know that I haven't posted in ages, but a righteous wind has blown up my ass and I'm inspired, nay, compelled to write about it.

For the first time in my adult life, I am driven to prayer. And I am driven to pray for Terry Schiavo.

Fear not, my prayer is not quite the same as that of the millions of simpering knuckle-draggers cheering congress on as it (apparently having some idle time on its hands after surely having solved all problems with Iraq, Social Security, and the economy) votes to keep her as "alive" as a flesh-coated bowl of jello can possibly be.

Though it does start off the same.

I pray, with every fibre of my being, every waking moment and even muttering in my sleep: Please God, (please!!!!) let all logic, empirical evidence, and modern medical science be wrong just this once, and let Terry regrow a brain from the dysfunctional stem which is all she has left. Show your divine hand and grant us this impossible miracle. Please Lord, make Terry become several orders of magnitude better, that is, let her become merely hopelessly retarded with the IQ of a Chicken McNugget.

Bear with me, here is where the knuckle-draggers and I diverge. (But I am not afraid oh Lord, for I know my path is true. Though I am one, and they are many, the sheer rightness of my prayer must outshine their combined efforts. Please God, hear my prayer! I'll do anything. Become a priest. Or do the opposite and dedicate myself to helping people. Take a vow of poverty. Chastity. Mow your lawn. Anything.)

God, almighty Father in heaven above? Could you then possibly allow Terry to learn how to walk? NO! Scratch that. I ask too much. Allow her to learn how to move her leg. Just one leg, it doesn't matter which. And then allow her to accidentally push someone down a flight of stairs with that leg. And then let us all sit back and watch the show as the lying sacks of shit in congress who so sanctimoniously wanted to keep her "alive" scream for her blood.

Oh, and let this all happen in Texas, 'cause there ain't no better place in the big old world for executing the retarded.

Curious About Budapest?

Hell yeah! I live here and I haven't a clue what the fuck is going on. No TV, a 70-hour workweek, and being at the beck-and-call of two diaper-filling machines means that I don't get out much. Or get much news. If I don't see it on my run to buy groceries and more diapers to be filled, chances are it will fall outside the scope of my attention.

But no longer! Now there is an almost daily English-language blog/news/website thingie called pestiside that I can turn to for all the Hungarian news I can stomach. Sure, after reading a bit you might get the feeling that the guy behind this thing has a shrine to Ayn Rand in his reading room, but that's a damned sight better than the four dead hookers buried in Budapest Sun editor Robin Marshall's backyard. No, no, I kid. His yard couldn't possibly fit more than two.

Anyways, pestiside is a fun read for anyone who can't read Hungarian sources, or who, like myself, just couldn't be arsed. The site is cynical enough to poke fun at thugs and politicians on all sides, and if it weren't for the fact that they actually had a sense of humour about all things magyar, I'd swear that it was a bunch of Hungarians putting it together.

Hurray I voted! (so fucking what)

There was a referendum here in Hungary yesterday - a two parter. One question was regarding the privatisation of Hungary's hospitals, and the other was about whether we wanted to grant citizenship rights automatically to Hungarians living outside Hungary's borders. Now, leaving aside the question of which side I personally supported, (suffice it to say that if you think that trying to redraw the map to reflect some pre-trianon fantasyland isn't going to piss your neighbours off you're a fucking moron, and if you think that the private sector gives a flaming rat's ass whether you live or die in their hospitals then you're an even bigger fucking moron), let's just take a quick peek at what stance the political parties took.

The NATO-embracing, foreign investment fellating, proud "coalition of the willing" member (falling right between the military might of the Honduras and Iceland in the big alphabetical list, in case you're curious) governing party that, in a fit of irony, Hungarians have named the "Socialist" party is all for privatising the hospitals and keeping the borders and citizenship rules as is, thank you very much.

The clinically insane, increasingly extreme right wing opposition party "FIDESZ" wants the hospitals to stay public and wants to open the borders to ethnic Hungarians living abroad.

Let me get this straight. The Socialists want to dump public health care and the right wing bozos want to open our borders up. Don't tell me Hungarians don't have a sense of humour.

Anyways, the upshot of it all is that, as with most things political and Hungarian, the whole thing is irrelevant. A waste of time. Null and void. The small-minded knuckle-draggers in FIDESZ couldn't get the minimum number of idiots off their asses to vote, so even though both their initiatives won (public hospitals and Nationalism ahoy!), the overall turnout was so poor that it was declared invalid. And though I'm sad to see the, *ahem*, Socialists see this as a mandate to go on ahead and sell my local hospital to Pfizer, (after all, who better to treat me cost-effectively and know exactly what brand to prescribe for whatever might ail me), I am heartened to see the FIDESZ bozos get some much-deserved egg on their faces. Fear not though. I'm sure they'll find some way to blame the Jews.

Good old banks!

Let's hear it for the banking industry! They work hard to provide you with useful financial services and to make your savings grow. They also go that extra mile to fuck each and every client over in countless exciting new ways. Take the following ad for example...


click for larger version

In case you can't make out the caption, it says "It didn't seem right to us, either". Here we have part of a multi-million dollar ad campaign touting citibank's new "identity theft solutions". Whenever a purchase is made using your card that seems at odds with your credit history, citibank's system red flags and stops it. But what if the anomoly is a legitimate purchase? What if it's something that the cardholder may be a bit embarrassed about, say porn, plastic surgery, or as shown in the ad, a tattoo of grandma's young lover's name? What then? And why in the name of all that is holy are they trying to ram this evil intrusive shit down my throat as if it were a good thing™?

Funny how they fail to mention that legally, you can't really be held liable for any purchases made with a stolen card number. So the only ones who possibly stand to benefit from all this spying on the purchasing behaviour of cardholders is the banks. They're hoping to cut off a percentage of fraudulent purchases and pass the savings on to, well, their poor downtrodden shareholders. Legitimate purchases that are caught in their web be damned! After all, there is a higher need being served here. Obscenely high profits aren't good enough. Banks want to be richer than God.

But hey, stop thinking of it as an invasion of your privacy and a cash grab. Think of it more as a candy-coated shit sandwich. Hell, at least there's a pretty advertising campaign to lull anyone moronic enough to have a citibank card into thinking that this somehow benefits them. mmmmm... candy. They must really love us, those worthless, scum-sucking parasitic fucks who don't care who they screw over.

Remember kids: bankers, and especially citibankers, would sodomize their own mother with a rusty letter opener to make a few extra pennies. If they had mothers.

Police Blotter Fun

I refuse to mention the U.S. election, the shock and dismay of the rest of the world, and quite possibly the end of life as we know it. But hey, the Arcata Eye Police Log sure is a fun read.

Why I'm better than you

I know it's not nice to gloat, but I now have a gmail account!!!! This officially makes me better than you. Unless you too have a gmail account, in which case I'm probably better than you for some other reason. And all it took was some judicious whinging and jealousy. In your face!!! Whinging rocks!!! (Thanks, Ms. Secret)

Did I mention that I have a gmail account?

foog.inc(at symbol)gmail.com

The things you find on the Interweb, part duh

Looks like The American Conservative is endorsing Kerry. Un-American rat fuckers! Something's gotta be done. Quick, get me Karl Rove on the line!

The things you find on the Interweb

Well, well, well. What have we here?

The Rude Pundit

I have a new favourite political site, the Rude Pundit. Even more over-the-top than Wonkette, though perhaps (marginally) less anal-sex obsessed. But you can't have everything.